Attraction, Not Promotion
Image above by Hundertwasser
Here is what I have learned through my first-hand experience: Recovery is an inside job. No one and nothing can make us stop our addictive habits but us. It’s really between God and us. But when we are in the throes of our addictions it sometimes doesn’t appear that God is listening. That is because we are expecting God to stop for us, rather than pray for the willingness to accept His help as we take new action.
So, if recovery is an inside job, why do we bother trying to help or to be helped? The addict complains, “Why doesn’t everybody just leave the me alone!” while the family and friends worry, “What will happen if we leave the addict alone?” Yet, many of us who have recovered will leave the addict alone because we have learned that recovery is for people who want it, not for those who need it. We ask if they want help, but we leave them alone when they don’t. We can only carry the message. We have learned we cannot carry the addict. We can’t do it for them. That is called enabling and manipulation, i.e., trying to play God in another’s life.
But here’s the thing: addiction thrives and grows when we isolate. So how do we love an addict out of isolation without nagging or manipulating?
Did you know that the opposite of addiction isn’t abstinence? It’s connection, but the right kind of connection. You see, when an addict connects with another addict who has walked in the addict’s shoes and has found a way out, well that is a powerful message of hope. And that hope is built on trust because the person who has recovered has no agenda for the addict. They are just offering their experience and hope while the addict ponders a possible solution to their own problem. That way, although we do it ourselves, we don’t get free all by ourselves. We get free by connecting with a person or group who walk their talk first-hand.
Here's some questions: If you are feeling unable to put down a substance or behavior that is taking away your freedom, is there someone in your life who has been there and who is now free from that which binds you? And are you willing to be taught? I am sure that person will be willing to walk alongside you if you want help, not to twist your arm, but will allow you to stumble as you find your way to self- correct. Recovery is not about being “good” or about getting anyone’s approval. It is simply about wanting a healthy life for yourself. Period. So, since recovery is about attraction, not promotion, who in your life attracts you if you feel you could use some help. Who has what you want? Why not have a coffee and ask them how they got there?
If you are a smoker or vaper and you want to get free, book a free half-hour session with me and I will share with you how I found my freedom from nicotine. I will share with you a path I found that is doable and probably not what you have tried before. 512-758-1910. firstname.lastname@example.org.